Looking back…

August 29, 2010

In reading one of my favorite blogs today, Peas and Thank You, I was wafted back to BK (before kids).  BK, I got a B.A. in Theater, moved with my boyfriend (now hus) from SoCal to Boston because it was close to hus’ family’s summer home and because we had heard that there was good theater in Boston.  Weren’t we just the silliest, most naive youngsters back then???  After working straight jobs for a couple of years, saving every penny we could, we struck out to find a starter job in radio for hus, circling throughout greater New England (including New York state), stopping in at every little station along the way, then heading back to our temporary headquarters in ME…then, amazingly enough, hus got that first job, in TV instead of radio, I got my first radio job and away we went.  We loved our jobs, we did community theater and we had fun together.  Then we decided that after 5 years of marriage, it was time for baby.  And that is when everything changed.  We lived for baby.  I took a year off work, which was a good thing, because when baby was 6 months old, we moved to Portland, ME.  I took part-time jobs that synced around hus’ 70-80 hour weeks and decided that it was time for another baby.  I took another year off, which was good because when I was about 4 mos pregnant, we moved to Providence, RI.  When babe no. 2 was about 2, we moved again, this time to St. Petersburg, FL…kids went to daycare, I went back to work, but this time as a legal secretary (one of us had to be able to pick the kids up at daycare and hus could never be counted on ).  And a legal assistant I have been ever since…pays enough to pay for daycare AND uses brain cells in a way that works for me…I specialize in solo practices where the attorney practices law and I do everything else.  And I always know when I am going to work and always know when I am going home.

Long story short, my life became my kids’ lives in a lot of ways…I did my last community theater show when babe no. 1 was 4 months old (I was cast when she was 4 weeks old, when breastfeeding meant interesting body changes during nighttime rehearsals <G>), then took a break until kids were 15 and 12 and hus’ schedule was a little more reliable.  I was depressed, feeling as if I wasn’t doing a good job at anything in my life (working/sending kids to daycare was right for me, but I never was able to ignore the feeling that my kids were missing out on something…a lot of things…).  I was soccer mom, baseball mom, softball mom, swim team mom, basketball mom, cub scout mom, flute and clarinet lesson mom…lots of kid-centric mom!  My highest priority was to raise happy, healthy kids…all that time I wasted, worried about not being good enough…I’ve been going back, looking at photos of my kids growing up and, you know what?  They are almost always smiling or laughing in photos…even those that aren’t staged or posed…we must have been doing something right…they are now 30 and 27, happy and healthy young adults with productive lives…what more could I ask?

Maybe some of the time I wasted worrying about not being good enough…

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2 Responses to “Looking back…”

  1. Katy Says:

    We WERE happy…and I have to tell you, another legacy you can claim is that I know that I want to wait to have kids until I can give them the selfless time and attention that you gave me as a kid. I don’t want to cheat myself out of some independent time (just enjoying the childless life…sleeping in, traveling, being lazy) and end up resenting my kids. I want to be able to do everything for them that you did for us!


  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Katy Widrick, StarStrukLynna. StarStrukLynna said: Looking back…: http://wp.me/panjp-t6 […]


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